Adventures with My Menopause Wife.

MOSTLY TRUE STORIES | Marriage & Midlife

By TLS

First, let me be clear, this was her idea. I would never dare draft such a thing without her say-so, because, frankly, I value my life. She suggested it and said, “Write it!” There may have been a little growling involved, I was keeping my distance at the time. So here we are, and we’ll see how this goes. Marriage is already an adventure. Add menopause, and suddenly you’re on a roller coaster you didn’t remember signing up for, but here we are, hands in the air, screaming on the way down.

Where should we begin? Ahhh, let’s start with the moodiness, oh my goodness! One moment, she’s laughing at an endless stream of Instagram memes, the next, she’s glaring at me like I’m the villain of a soap opera. Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m the hero or the sidekick, or the poor sap about to be written out of the script. I’ve learned that my best line is “You’re right. Would you like some wine?” It works in almost any situation, even when I don’t know what I’m agreeing to.

What’s next? Here’s a fun one. How about that metabolism shift? Suddenly, the same cucumber and tomato salad and cross fit routine that once kept things steady no longer cuts it. Clothes that fit last summer now mock silently from the closet, smug little traitors that they are. My wife declares war on carbs every Monday, then negotiates a peace treaty with cookies and chips by Thursday. I just stand by as the neutral observer, trying not to get drafted into either side.

And oh, the piesta de resistance, the hot flashes! One second, the house is comfortable. The next, she’s flinging open windows in December, demanding to know why the thermostat is set to “hellfire.” Meanwhile, I’m under three blankets, teeth chattering. The night sweats are even more fun. Picture a midnight game of musical sheets, me half-asleep, fumbling to find a dry patch while she sobs, “Don’t touch me, I’m boiling.” Romantic, right?

Still, there’s something oddly funny about surviving all this together. We joke, we roll our eyes, and sometimes we just sit in silence because words would only get us in more trouble. The truth is, marriage isn’t about dodging the storms, it’s about learning how to laugh while standing in the rain, even when the rain is sweat and you’re not allowed to say the word “sweat.”

So yes, we’ll survive. Probably. Menopause might be moody, messy, and unpredictable, but so is life. And if we can ride this roller coaster without flying off the rails, we’ll come out on the other side stronger, and closer. Until then, I’ll be over here, adjusting the thermostat, pretending not to notice the cookie crumbs on the counter.

Have you or your partner survived the menopause roller coaster? Share your funniest story in the comments below. I promise, we’ll laugh with you…not at you!

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